Lonely

Tonight has been a hard night, not because anything happened it just has been.  Today was actually a good day at work and reminded me of all the good things about my job.  But, tonight, it is hard.  I am sure it is just a bit of tiredness, along with  upcoming particularly stressful days, but tonight I am feeling lonely.  It is rare that I admit feeling lonely or face it because I usually push it aside and just get on with things but tonight...it is here, sitting at the foot of my bed.  The house is quiet as one boy  is at camp and my young man is out doing what ever 19 year olds do.  The dogs are here, asleep... my house is dark and quiet and loneliness has fallen upon it.  I am missing many things but none of them real.  I guess I didn't think it would be like this.  I don't know what I thought it would be like but not this. 

Something else is weighing on me as well.  Earlier this week, I was having my quiet time with God and I felt something was revealed to me (don't think I am a nut!) and I am rolling that around, knowing I must accept it, but it is hard.  It is deeply personal and a little bit frightening.  If you have ever felt God was leading you to something that you didn't necessarily want you will understand.  I am not asking why, as He revealed the why...but I guess I never thought it would be like that.  Isn't that life?

In a few minutes I will open up my work computer and try to get lost in that for a while until sleep comes.  Good night all.