Conquering Fears!

Yes, that is me.....w....a....y out there on that dead tree limb over water filled with rocks, large rocks as a matter of fact.  I even climbed out there and back all by myself.  That probably doesn't sound like much to lots of you athletic types but for me...the girlie, girl type, it was a huge step.  I have a bit of a fear of heights and also every time a wave crashed into the tree it almost knocked me off. Even my boys were nervous and were not very comfortable with me venturing out of my box so far. I kind of felt it was representative of my new, stronger, learning to be braver self.  I was scared to death, literally,  BUT, I DID IT!   

 

Another thing I managed to do is bring 4 (count 'em....4) teenagers on vacation all by myself. Now if that isn't BRAVE, I don't know what is.  So far everyone is well and accounted for, though there have been a few Band-Aids needed and Neosporin has been in high demand. We have had so much fun this week on an island that was practically deserted and we had lots of free beach space.  Not once have we had to have video games, but they built a pretty impressive sand fort today, complete with fire.  Today for transportation, rather than me driving them, they rode bikes and loved it. Lots of great photos have been taken. It has been a great week...no video games, very little TV and no....no.....drama.  I really don't want to go home, except I am starting to miss Miss Macy and even S.C. and her wild puppy self just a little.

 

I love having the group around and find solace in their laughs and silliness.  They are all on the brink of adulthood and I am glad I could provide one last trip before school, jobs and football start taking their time. It has been good to be on Island Time.  I am blessed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

              

Our family grew by 4 giant feet!

Those feet might not look so big there, because that was the day we brought Miss SC home but you would not believe how much she has grown since.  At 13 weeks she has tripled her weight and size and she has a long way to go.  She is a German Shepard from a European blood line so we expect a large girl (what my son wanted) and we are all going through the growing pains of having a "baby in the house."  Miss SC likes to dig in her water bowl and likes to try to carry it around while it is full of water.  If there is mud outside to be found she zeros in on it.  She can't leave our cocker spaniel alone and she is extremely vocal...extremely.  She seems to have something to say about everything. Oh, and lets not forget those razor sharp baby teeth....they can't be gone soon enough.

 

Miss SC is my son's dog....ALL HIS.   He has had some learning to do because puppies are a lot of work and he has lost a bit of sleep here and there being a puppy daddy. I can't wait until she is old enough to go to puppy school!  Over all though, it is fun having her around and watching her run around like a drunken sailor.  It is as if all her parts are connected and haven't decided to cooperate with each other yet.  So, we have big, floppy, clumsy, loud fun running at top speeds most of the time sweet mess.  The only one really complaining is poor Miss Macy who was totally not prepared for the tornado that moved in.



Mama saying goodbye to her baby girl.  

He will find me...

I saw the below piece on Facebook (where all good things come, right?) but it did get me to thinking about relationships and where I am right now.  I am not looking for someone.  Often people tell me, "Oh, you won't be single long." But, I am not sure.  Maybe I will be, maybe I won't.

Yes, I do get lonely but I  wonder how lonely my Grandmother must have been after her husband died at only 50 (she never dated or remarried.) Did she cry at night silently into her pillow when the loneliness got so heavy? Did she ever tear up just sitting and watching TV alone at night? I lived next door to her my whole life and I never wondered...how insensitive.  I wonder how lonely my Aunt Peggy must be at times when she misses my Uncle Kenneth, who died a few years ago after spending her entire life with him (they were Middle School sweet hearts.) The loneliness is the hardest because you do have to hide it from so many people and it strikes when you least expect it.

But, as I was walking the dog last night...alone; I started thinking about the piece from Facebook.  I knew then that if there was a "he" for me out there somewhere he will find me.  God will lead him to me.  He will find me.  It is actually a very scary proposition to sit back and let go and say he will find me.  See, I work a female dominated industry. Most men I come in to contact with are with their wives or there for something for their wives or girlfriends.  It is hard to resist the urge to go out looking for him but from what I have seen that doesn't pan out. It goes against human nature to not try to control the outcome but I am trying.

Below is that piece from Facebook and if anyone knows the author please share:

Subject: SELF WORTH (Very Deep!!!) In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question: 'What kind of man are you looking for?' She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye & asking, 'Do you really want to know?' Reluctantly, he said, 'Yes.
 
She began to expound, 'As a woman in this day & age, I am in a position to ask a man what can you do for me that I can't do for myself? I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man... or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, 'What can you bring to the table?' The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.
 
She quickly corrected his thought & stated, 'I am not referring to money. I need something more. I need a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life. He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, & asked her to explain. She said, 'I need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because I need conversation & mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man. I need someone who is striving for excellence spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked...believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster. I need a man who is striving for excellence financially because I don't need a financial burden. I need someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded. I need someone who has integrity in dealing with relationships. Lies and game-playing are not my idea of a strong man. I need a man who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader, priest and provider to the lives entrusted to him by God. I need someone whom I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy.
 
And by the way, I am not looking for him...He will find me. He will recognize himself in me. He may not be able to explain the connection, but he will always be drawn to me. God made woman to be a help-mate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself. When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, 'You are asking a lot. She replied, "I'm worth a lot".

Healing after Infidelity...

This is a battle my heart still goes through.  Not because I have love left for my ex-spouse but because I have so much love for my family and the true meaning of marriage.  I love the joy and comfort of someone who holds your heart and soul as if it were a precious, irreplaceable gem.  I love the bond that marriage represents and the security it gives children.  Marriage can represents the closest thing to the love of God we will feel this side of Heaven I am sure. Although I am often faced with the question of "why did you stay?" in an almost accusatory tone, as if I caused all the infidelities; the only answer I have is I loved my husband and I was given a glance of him, by the grace of God, to see him the way God saw him.  Even after so many betrayals I still loved and it was hard fought to give up that love.  I have come along way and can honestly say the love has gone but I still hurt and I still grieve.  Through all this, though,  I came across another blog post by a young woman who has bared her soul and the challenges of infidelity and divorce through her blog with a grace that I can only hope to have one day.  I have learned so much from her.  Please visit her post "How to Heal After Infidelity" and let her know where you found her:  How to Heal After Infidelity.  Make sure also, to share it with anyone who might be helped by her worlds.