Leaving her...

I have gone silent again on this blog, which I have come to realize means one of two things: either I am crazy busy with life in general or I am feeling a bit emotionally raw.  The last couple of weeks I have had both of those covered in full.  Two weeks ago we loaded up a U haul to the gills and moved our daughter to the Atlanta area.  I should say back to the Atlanta area because it is where we lived before moving here right after she graduated high school.  She is now a college graduate and has started her first real job.  I am so proud of her and her choices and admire her courage in taking on the world.  She is working in a job she feels passionate about and seems custom made for her...as if her whole life has prepared her for such a time as this.  She has her own apartment which she has decorated and it looks like something out of a magazine (and did it all on a very tight budget!)  She is looking for a little fuzzy room-mate now to keep her company and things are good for her....really good.   

But leaving her there, even knowing she was safe and happy, was one of the very hardest things I have ever had to do.  When our move is complete, week after next, we will be 8 hours away from her and that kills me.  I know others have children scattered throughout the world and 8 hours seems like nothing so I probably shouldn't complain....but it was like leaving the best part of me when I drove away.  She and I are like 2 sides of the same coin and I feel just a bit lost without her.  

It was hard when we left her at college the first time but I knew she would be home in a week or two...but this time I don't know when I will see her next.  I know she is too far for me to hop in the car and meet her halfway for lunch, or make a hasty trip when something unexpected happens, or to share in the little things that happen day to day.  I know she is surrounded by people who care about her and will take good care of her if she needs anything....but I am not there...and it hurts.  I am not sure who it hurts more...me or her.  

Of course, we still talk for long periods of the day on the phone and text continually but knowing there are going to be 2 states between us just fills me with anxiety.  We still keep the cell lines popping with photos of things we see during the day and I am learning to reuse the United States Postal Service as well...but....